Dealbreakers

Maybe the worst part of being married to a sex offender is the judgement from others, that you are stupid/naive/wrong/crazy/pathetic for staying. How could you? We live in a culture of dealbreakers, and certainly a husband who has had the audacity to both betray you AND get arrested doing it has broken the deal.

But marriages aren’t deals. It’s so easy, from the outside, to think that you know what you’d do, but you don’t. It’s so easy to judge. I see women also married to men on the registry, look at their husband’s offense, and think, “No way would I have stayed.” But, I don’t know. You don’t, either. We cannot judge from the outside.

I don’t believe in dealbreakers, but I do believe in second chances. I believe in boundaries, too, but not in dealbreakers. I’m not going to fault anybody for leaving or for staying. I’m not going to make declarations about when I’d stay or when I’d leave that will just serve to make other women feel judged for making different choices, when I’ve never been faced with those situations.

I’m just going to take every day as it comes and make the best choices I can, and I’m going to trust other women to do the same.